Almost 8 PM,14 hours til they come to pick my stuff up and move. It's not that I'm exactly reflecting on the last year spent here, hell I don't want to reflect, I'd rather slit my wrists. It's more, well, it's become familiar. When I move here it was in a complete rush, the first month I had meant to live here I was back in the psychiatric unit, in fact it was more like 2 months. I didn't really have time to contemplate moving away from my fathers where I'd lived all my life, because I was fucked up. Well and truly fucked up. It happened really fast. And it wasn't like I was moving somewhere to live on my own.
What sucks, is I'm not going to have internet, all alone in an empty apartment. Nothing but my thoughts. It's just me and me buddy. I'm pretty much alone here, I rarely talk to my housemates, I guess it's just actually being alone. I used to hate being alone. I could never suffer my own company, my own thoughts. Ah well, we're all alone at the end of the day, we're all alone in our thoughts. In our head. On the bright side I'll be rid of * and *! Finally!
Guess I'm just going to have to get used to it. It's just going to be hard at first, I'll really like it in the end, I know that. It's just getting used to it. I'm not scared, more apprehensive. And hey, if things get too much I always have those sleeping tablets! Nah, not really, I'm past that. Accepted this life and everything that comes with it, I'll be free sooner or later. Might as well ride it out.
I'm actually thinking of taking 1 sleeping tablet tonight, cause I know I'm going to wake up at something ridiculous like 3 AM and not get back to sleep. Sleeping tablets aren't good, but they don't zonk me out like they used to. I rarely take them but I just don't sleep much. You can tell I didn't get a good nights sleep last night because I have darkened under my eyes, almost like I got punched. It's going to look worse tomorrow.
So I was in Sainsbury's picking up more energy drink, and then I had my usual compulsion to go look at the DVDs, then I had the usual compulsion to buy one, and then another. I got 'You Don't Mess With The Zohan', which I've been meaning to see for ages, because I like Adam Sandler. I also got 'The Green Mile'. I'm not sure which one to watch tonight, to be depressed or to be cheerful? Choices choices. Nah, films rarely make me depressed.
These are the most depressing films I've seen: The Pledge; Red Road; Revolutionary Road; 1984, there are probably a few others I've blocked out. But The Pledge at the end of it makes you want to kill yourself, I can't believe my father recommended me watching that. I actually bought it for him from CEX but he said he didn't want it, so it's part of my collection. I actually do want to buy Revolutionary Road because I like the music, Thomas Newman wrote it, he also wrote Pay It Forward, Meet Joe Black, The Shawshank Redemption, and some American Beauty music. He's done a ton more but that's just a few. I think his music is beautiful, all very haunting.
I downloaded the sound track to Equilibrium but it was a disappointment, and it wasn't categorised properly so I had to spend half on hour on iTunes categorizing before I allowed it on my iPod.
I spent about 20 hours a couple of weeks ago putting album artwork on every song on my iPod, I have about 4500 songs on there, all albums, I might have 1 or 2 which are 1 song from 1 artist, but they're exceptions. I find if you don't have whole albums it's looks messy, and hey if you've got a 30 gig memory it doesn't really matter. It's my own music library. I have music from everywhere on there, got a load of my fathers music, my brothers, My exes, my only female friend's music, some of my mothers, and some of next doors. And of course, my own. I'd be really upset if it broke. 'Cause there's loads of music I won't be able to get back.
At some point I'm going to get an external hard-drive, and then go through my iPod, all the albums, download them and then load them onto the hard-drive, so if it does ever break on me I have back up. The next iPod I buy is going to be 250 gig. You can't buy 30 gig ones any more, which sucks. I don't take mine out with me when I go out, I play it at home only. It's probably why it's lasted so long. It should last longer I hope. Because my brother's has started fucking up, we both got our at the same time, one Christmas off dad. I think I was 15. It was about £200 then, you can get a 250 gig for £200 now. Ah, technology, always changing and growing and expanding until it eats all our brains 
But hey, I'll be dead then. I don't care 
And because I spit on God if there is one, if there's re-incarnation he'll bring me back as a flea or something, I'd rather be a cat, or a flamingo! I love flamingos! I want one! 
I actually just like saying the word: flamingo, don't you think it's a great word, the way your mouth moves to it? Flamingo. Ah, it's amazing, fuck cellar door being the most beautiful words in the English language, it's got to be flamingo. Hmm, actually flamingo might not be an English word come to think of it. Hell, let's just say it's the best word in all languages.
Talking about languages Welsh has to be one of the most crazy. I mean they put ytw together? What the fuck? How the hell does that work? It's not right I'm telling you. Aha, here's a joke for you, What's the best thing about Wales?
... The 'Welcome To England' sign
Ba-Da-Bum!
Ah, anyway, my energy drink should be chilled by now, so I'm going to drink that, chat for the last time on MSN for a few weeks, smoke, and listen to music, then think about taking tabs and sleep.
Over and out.